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literature
Dear Dad
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Literature Text
I'm am not speaking for Brittany or Brandon, but I have somethings I feel you need to know and it's going to be hard to say without angry in it. However, I will try. What happened at graduation was the end result of years of crying, depression and anger. My entire life, you have been a stranger that pops in every few months or years. Someone I was afraid of. Someone that got to take us to do all these fun and expensive things. It took until I was 11 years old to figure out why it felt strange to do anything with you. At the time I didn't realize I had figured out, but looking back, it makes sense. Do you remember when you took Brittany, Mom and I to see Disney on ice? And we met in Fred Meyers parking lot? You said to me, I'm assuming jokingly, "What? Your mom can't afford full length pants?" I was wearing a pair of Capri pants that I really liked and I remember thinking, "What does that mean?" That was the moment I realized that you were a greedy prick. Why was it that you can take us to all these fancy restaurants, EMP and all these other things, and we can barely pay our bills? Why did my mom have to 2 jobs just to be able to afford toilet paper? After that I learned to fake having fun really quick.
Through out my entire life, there was only one person there for me every day of my life. One person that encouraged me to see you, even when I didn't want to. One person that did everything to make sure we had what we needed. Be it school supplies, clothes, or a roof over our heads. My mom. And that was the only person that I wanted to see on my graduation day. Because she's the one that was there every day, not just a few days a year. Without her I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be as strong or confident as I am.
I'm not sorry about what happened at graduation. And I'm not sorry that my grandparents had to go through it either. But excuse me for not feeling the need to see people I haven't spoken to in 2 years. Especially since one of them lives 10 minutes away, but never came to see us. Never calls. Never writes. Well, they did send money to us. But money isn't a stand in for actual communication. I can almost count on one hand the times I've seen either of them. Most of those times was Mom's doing. She drove us to see Grandma Mae, we call her Grandma Mae because Grandma is the one we see every year, or drove her to see us at the reunions. Mom tried, no one else did. How much are stamps? 32 cents, I think. Maybe that was a little pricey and I guess it was too much hassle to pick up a pen and paper. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them. I don't know them enough to hate them. I don't know you enough either.
Do you remember all those times you told us "The phone works both ways." Yes, Dad, it does. It's not the child's responsibility to contact the parent.
Through out my entire life, there was only one person there for me every day of my life. One person that encouraged me to see you, even when I didn't want to. One person that did everything to make sure we had what we needed. Be it school supplies, clothes, or a roof over our heads. My mom. And that was the only person that I wanted to see on my graduation day. Because she's the one that was there every day, not just a few days a year. Without her I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be as strong or confident as I am.
I'm not sorry about what happened at graduation. And I'm not sorry that my grandparents had to go through it either. But excuse me for not feeling the need to see people I haven't spoken to in 2 years. Especially since one of them lives 10 minutes away, but never came to see us. Never calls. Never writes. Well, they did send money to us. But money isn't a stand in for actual communication. I can almost count on one hand the times I've seen either of them. Most of those times was Mom's doing. She drove us to see Grandma Mae, we call her Grandma Mae because Grandma is the one we see every year, or drove her to see us at the reunions. Mom tried, no one else did. How much are stamps? 32 cents, I think. Maybe that was a little pricey and I guess it was too much hassle to pick up a pen and paper. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them. I don't know them enough to hate them. I don't know you enough either.
Do you remember all those times you told us "The phone works both ways." Yes, Dad, it does. It's not the child's responsibility to contact the parent.
I was very tempted to put this under reviews. I just felt like posting this. It's an e-mail I wrote to my dad the other night. I'm assuming a little background is needed for this. So, after my mom and dad divorced when I was 4, I've seen my dad about once or twice a year starting when I was 11. From 4-7 he never came around. After 7, when ever he, it was supervised. He only came a few times and the visits stopped until I was 11. At 11, he took me, my sister and my mom to Disney on Ice. See the e-mail for details on this. After that, when ever he came to see us, he would take us out to dinner to something fancy and make us get new clothes. Yes, new clothes just to go out to dinner. For two 11 year olds and a 13 year old, it was heart wrenching to think that we didn't dress good enough to be seen with our dad. The first time that happened he took us to get our pictures taken for his Christmas card. That was the first and only time my grandma (on my dad's side) ever spoke to us outside of the few times my mom drove her to see us when we were in Montana. All the visits after that were pretty much the same with out contact from his family afterward. Keep in mind my grandpa leaves 10 minutes away and never once called us except when he had to set up our computer. I forgot about that. That computer is sitting in our living room because we got a new one.
Ever year we (my mom, sister, me and brother) went to Montana to visit my mom's mom, the grandma I actually know enough to just call Grandma. Every year we had to listen to my cousins talk about how much time they spent with my dad or my dad's mom or my grandpa. And every year, we went home depressed because my cousins had seen and talked to my dad's side of the family so much more than us and we only get to see them when my mom intervenes.
Skip forward to June 13, my graduation day. My dad, my grandpa and his girlfriend, and my dad's mom came. My grandma was not invited. And I hadn't spoken to my grandparents in 2 years. People who I've seen less than 10 times, combined, in my life that I can remember. People that had nothing to do with why I was walking across that stage. People I barely know. People I can barely recognize when I see them. People that never once picked up the phone to call us. So after the ceremony, my sister, my mom and I left. We left because my brother ditched my mom to show off for the people who never gave a damn about us, for the people that wouldn't listen to her when she said that my sister and I were going to be looking for her. When my sister and I found my mom we were crying. We took a few pictures, returned our robes, left and got Dairy Queen. The next day we got dressed up and went out to lunch. I wouldn't have wanted to celebrate any other way.
A few weeks later, after my brother repeatedly telling us how angry our dad was and that he had presents for us, we get a few letters. One from my dad on a sticky note from a hotel that said we needed to apologize to our grandparents. And 2 cards from my dad's mom with $100 in each and a letter. The letter said that they waited under the letter of our last name for a really long time and eventually decided to go to dinner with out us. Bullshit. If they waited under the letter all that time. We would have seen them because guess where my mom was. Not to mention the fact that when we were making plans with my sister's friend's family, we saw them standing on the street corner. Waited my ass.
All of this led up to the message seen above. I'm going to leave comments on, but if people start rant about how I'm a horrible person, I'll shut them off. Before you comment I just want you to know that there is a lot of emotional pain behind everything I said. I was crying through most of the e-mail. Not that I was sad, I was just frustrated and angry.
Ever year we (my mom, sister, me and brother) went to Montana to visit my mom's mom, the grandma I actually know enough to just call Grandma. Every year we had to listen to my cousins talk about how much time they spent with my dad or my dad's mom or my grandpa. And every year, we went home depressed because my cousins had seen and talked to my dad's side of the family so much more than us and we only get to see them when my mom intervenes.
Skip forward to June 13, my graduation day. My dad, my grandpa and his girlfriend, and my dad's mom came. My grandma was not invited. And I hadn't spoken to my grandparents in 2 years. People who I've seen less than 10 times, combined, in my life that I can remember. People that had nothing to do with why I was walking across that stage. People I barely know. People I can barely recognize when I see them. People that never once picked up the phone to call us. So after the ceremony, my sister, my mom and I left. We left because my brother ditched my mom to show off for the people who never gave a damn about us, for the people that wouldn't listen to her when she said that my sister and I were going to be looking for her. When my sister and I found my mom we were crying. We took a few pictures, returned our robes, left and got Dairy Queen. The next day we got dressed up and went out to lunch. I wouldn't have wanted to celebrate any other way.
A few weeks later, after my brother repeatedly telling us how angry our dad was and that he had presents for us, we get a few letters. One from my dad on a sticky note from a hotel that said we needed to apologize to our grandparents. And 2 cards from my dad's mom with $100 in each and a letter. The letter said that they waited under the letter of our last name for a really long time and eventually decided to go to dinner with out us. Bullshit. If they waited under the letter all that time. We would have seen them because guess where my mom was. Not to mention the fact that when we were making plans with my sister's friend's family, we saw them standing on the street corner. Waited my ass.
All of this led up to the message seen above. I'm going to leave comments on, but if people start rant about how I'm a horrible person, I'll shut them off. Before you comment I just want you to know that there is a lot of emotional pain behind everything I said. I was crying through most of the e-mail. Not that I was sad, I was just frustrated and angry.
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Comments2
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If it's any solace, my friend, your story and your plights have not gone unheard. What's more, I hold these feelings for my own father. But perhaps my experiences pale to yours. I could sense your restraint in writing the email, an I know it must have felt strenuous, but I believe you did what was best.
And to think that you could imagine yourself as being the bad guy here is actually quite sickening. You're a better person than you might think, and your father deserves far more grief than you've endured on his account.
"Do not falter when pierced by the knives of oppression and hatred; they hinder flesh, yet your feet will never give way, and you will strive."
And to think that you could imagine yourself as being the bad guy here is actually quite sickening. You're a better person than you might think, and your father deserves far more grief than you've endured on his account.
"Do not falter when pierced by the knives of oppression and hatred; they hinder flesh, yet your feet will never give way, and you will strive."